Halloween: Horror & Humor

I have to say Halloween has turned into one of those holidays that no matter how much candy you try to give me, I can't ignore the fact that the innocence that once surrounded it seems to be long gone.  The industry has made it clear that women are to dress "sexy" and men should dress either in a uniform to be of service or as something indicating that women should um, service him.

Here are some ridiculous examples of costumes:

Beer, Nemo, Shower, Watermelon 

Being crazy is so hot.

Being racist never goes out of style.

There are plenty of racist costumes to choose from.

Don't worry, I didn't leave out the men! Here are some terrible costumes:

Isn't that funny? Captain Obvious is not getting a blow job in this.

One Night Stand. Because apparently only men can be interested in casual sex.

Sloppy Cop. 

I guess the Bunny is supposed to be funny or cute? How is this only for men?

It may seem a bit paradoxical for women to dress scantily and march in protest against victim-blaming during Slutwalks then turn around and protest revealing costumes, but here's the thing: women choosing what they wear on a daily basis and not having to be on the defensive due to said attire (because what a woman wears has nothing to do with rape culture) is completely different then an entire industry (the costume industry) that is clearly putting women in their objectified place. The other thing is, it's Halloween! It's about dressing up, fantasy, creativity, and if a woman wants to wear something that makes her feel good, and it happens to be revealing, then do it! Part of being a feminist is about a woman's right to own her sexuality.  Just because a woman is dressed provocatively, doesn't mean it's for anyone. 

When I was a nanny, I loved walking around with the little kids.  This year I painted my nails black, because I really like the way it looks! I'm wearing my bring pink skull t-shirt, black sweats and will watch a scary movie or two. On the list: The Shining, Silence of the Lambs, House on Haunted Hill (the original), Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Nightmare Before Christmas, and Friday the 13th.  Will I watch all of these, definitely not, but it's nice to have choices. 

N.Y.C. Black (3 coats) with Sephora Only Gold For Me topcoat.

What are your Halloween plans? Trick or Treating with kids? Do you think the costume industry has gone too far?  Comment below or email me shapedbymylife@gmail.com

A Quick Conversation I Tried Not To Have

I have always been a fat girl.  Ever since being teased as a young girl, I have internalized those feelings and no matter what the number on the scale, or the size of my pants, or how athletic I have been I have felt the same about my body: uncomfortable, unattractive, trapped.  It has only been recently, in the past six months or so, that I have begun the arduous work of digging deep and looking at my relationship with my body and working on accepting where I am today. Like with anything, some days are better than others; yet, at my heaviest, I have found more acceptance for curve of my hips, the softness of my belly, the fullness of my breasts.  At my heaviest, I can still do yoga, row, workout on the arc trainer for an hour, lift weights, laugh, and love.  I am capable in my body.

It amazes me, still, what people--strangers--find acceptable conversation to have with me because of my size.  Over the weekend, during a beautiful Autumn afternoon, I went to the gym to help burn off some calories, but to feel good; working out or just moving my body always helps me with stress.  A woman who I have seen at the gym in the past, was getting on a machine two away from me and the conversation I didn't want to have went something like this:
Stranger: "Who told you about these machines?"
Me: "Um, I've used these machines for a while.  My personal trainer told me to get off the elliptical all together and stay on the arc trainer."
Stranger: "Once the weight comes down you won't have to be so careful about your knees."
Me--still working out with one headphone on--: "It's a good workout.  I use the treadmill just to walk to loosen up or cool down."
Stranger--still not working out--: "Yea who told you about the incline on here? I can't get above 28."
Me: "No one, I just push myself."  At this point she probably said something about weight and knees two or three times and I didn't really want to talk to her to begin with, especially since I was trying to finish up and talking to her was making me turn my neck.
Stranger: "I can't get over 28."
Me: "Well, have a good work out."

Seriously annoying.  I'm here to workout, not qualify myself as an athlete or look for solidarity from strangers who make inappropriate comments to begin with.  Just workout.  I don't need to hear about your knees, or be told by you or anyone else for that matter, about what I need to be worrying about in regards to my body.  I don't need to do anything.  I choose to workout because it makes me feel better, because I want to be in better shape, and yes losing weight would be great, but acknowledging that I am capable now, in the body I'm in now is important. The message we are always told is that women are the number on the scale; their level of importance, their morality, their capabilities are all based on a number that has been defined for us, not by us. I am so tired of fat being so derogatory and also defining.  If someone is fat, they are seen as fat before anything else. It as seen as worse then most things, as if skinny is somehow associated with capable, smart, kind; fat tends to be associated with being lazy, uneducated, incapable. Fat or skinny, this is only one adjective to describe anyone; it is not the end all be all.

Have you ever experienced bullying because of how you look? Whether you are skinny or fat, have you had people approach you to talk to you about your weight in appropriately? What are some of the stereotypes you have faced due to how your body looks? Comment below or email me shapedbymylife@gmail.com

Cornell Gets Bad Press

I receive many e-mails through the human services coalition. Today, I received this press release:

Women at Cornell: Administration’s Appointment of Grant Farred as Head of Africana Faculty Search a ‘Betrayal’

A group of women at Cornell released a statement Thursday entitled “Women at Cornell in Defense of Ourselves.”  In response to the appointment of Professor Grant Farred to head of Africana’s faculty search by those officiating the current receivership over the Center, the women express a “resolute and sustained outrage."  They question the message and institutional implications of charging the professor, who is perhaps best known locally and nationally for publicly denigrating two of his graduate students with the epithet “black bitches” in the April 2010, with “shaping Africana’s future.”

 

The group, who call themselves the Sojourner Tubman Collective, assert that the administration’s failure to place the phrase “black bitches” in its proper context of historically-rooted and “socially-sanctioned racist sexual violence”--or even the pornographic and violent contents manifest in a google search--affirms their ignorance and even contempt for Africana and Black Studies.  The group describes the efforts to establish the Africana Center as triggered by a defense of Black women in 1968, after a cross was burned in front of Wari House, the Black women’s cooperative.

 

The group stresses that the administration's contempt is evident also in the university’s treatment of the Africana Studies and Research Center, in which we witness “the first directors in the Center’s history to have been selected without a vote or serious input from Africana faculty.” However, it is now also apparent given Farred’s appointment by university officials that it perhaps university policy to “reward the sexual harassment of Black women with decision-making positions.”

 

They conclude with a sincere expression of their praise of the two Black women graduate students, who suffered sexual harassment from Farred in 2010, for their incredible courage in speaking out.  In order to prove they have any respect for Black women at Cornell--including for students, staff, faculty and prospective incoming Africana faculty--the group demands that the university remove Grant Farred from his position as chair of the faculty search committee, effective immediately.

Why would Cornell University employ such an obvious misogynist?  Why does the administration continue to undermine the faculty who serve in the Africana and Black studies?  Why is the CU blatantly rewarding someone who is both locally and nationally known for denigrating students in the past?  It certainly leaves these questions unanswered, and honestly, what answer could they have that would make this appointment seem justified in any capacity?  I wholeheartedly support the sentiments expressed in this press release.

Do you agree or disagree with the opinions expressed in this press release?  What do you think should be the course of action the University takes to address this issue? Comment below or email me shapedbymylife@gmail.com

In Brooklyn Women Told They Must Ride In The Back Of The Bus

Photo Courtesy: Jezebel

Today, Jezebel reported, "The B110, which travels between Williamsburg and Borough Park, is open to anyone, has a route number, and goes to city bus stops. However, the line is run by a private company under a decades-old agreement with the city, and since the bus is designed to serve the Hasidic community in the area, a board of rabbis sets the rules. They've decreed that women should sit in the back and men should sit in the front to avoid contact between members of the opposite sex."

When a woman who volunteered to challenge this regulation to witness what, if any, repercussions would occur, she paid the fare and took a seat in the front of the bus. Columbia Journalism School's The New York World reports 

"They were Orthodox Jews with full beards, sidecurls and long black coats, who told her that she was riding a "private bus" and a "Jewish bus." When she asked why she had to move, a man scolded her. "If God makes a rule, you don't ask ‘Why make the rule?'" he told Franchy, who rode the bus at the invitation of a New York World reporter. She then moved to the back where the other women were sitting. The driver did not intervene in the incident.

Honestly, I was a bit disappointed that there was nothing else that happened.  That the woman who volunteered to ride the bus didn't get into a discussion about women's rights, discrimination laws, and refused to move. And with everything going on in the world you may think, so what?  Just sit in the back of the bus. But for one, it's not a private bus so the Orthodox Jewish Community has no right to make such a rule for public transportation.  It's also not just about seating on the bus; it's another example of how women are treated as second-class citizens. What would happen if these women asked for a women's only bus?  If men demanded so?  How do a group of these men treat women who are not orthodox when they encounter them in the world?  It brings a lot of questions as to where are the lines between separation between religious affiliation and common courtesy, oh right and discrimination laws.  The fact is, this shouldn't even be a discussion because until the Private Transportation Corporation who pays the city to run the route somehow alters their relationship with the city so the Orthodox Jewish Community is then exempt from discrimination laws in the public sector, "it's the same as a man screaming at a woman about her choice of seat on any other form of public transportation." 

What are your thoughts?  As a woman have you experienced this kind of discrimination anywhere?  As a man, how do you react to this discrimination occurring?  Comment below or email me shapedbymylife@gmail.com 

Tumblr Tuesday! Feminism Is For Lovers

It's Tumblr Tuesday! Feminism is for Lovers is the pick of the week!  On the homepage you will find this quote:

"We are a community that reclaims feminist thought and action from the taboo that it's hateful, by demonstrating how feminism liberates and empowers both men and women today. Sharing FifL in public promotes positive self-expression and open dialogue, the first steps in self-determination and community transformation. FifL's mission is to provide you with fresh tools to do just that--spread the Word and the Love." 

Here are some of my favorite pictures blogged or reblogged from FifL. 

 You can also find Feminism Is For Lovers on facebook!

Do you have a tumblr you want featured for Tumblr Tuesday?  Do you think feminism is important?  Are you a feminist?  Do you have a favorite feminist site you want to share?  Comment below or email me shapedbymylife@gmail.com

Occupy Wall Street: The Revolution Will Not Be Televised, But It Will Be Blogged

Photo Courtesy: Peter Whitley

The revolution is being blogged, facebooked, tweeted, tumbled, youtubed, photographed, written about, and discussed.  Occupy Wall Street has been taking place for weeks in New York City.  Protestors began occupying Wall Street September 19th, 2011; many have not left, many continue to come.

Within in the first week or so it became clear the police were not trained knowing how to deal with peaceful protestors.

 Immortal Technique uses Occupy Wall Street as a platform:

Tavis Smiley and Dr. Cornel West discuss the Occupation with Keith Olbermann

Today marks 30 days of the movement; Occupy Wall Street has moved out of NYC and protestors are occupying world wide!  Here is a video of Beethoven's 9th Ode to Joy played live in Madrid. The crowd raised their empty palms chanting "these are our weapons," a sign of their peaceful resistance.  It's a beautiful sight.

Citibank Customers Arrested for Closing Accounts.  Is this what they call customer service?

A message from Anonymous to the 99%:

I AM NOT MOVING- A short film: perspective.

"It's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it."-George Carlin

Do you stand in solidarity with the Occupy Wall Street Movement?  Have you been to any of the protests?  Comment below or email me shapedbymylife@gmail.com

SLUTwalk

Source: Tumblr

What is SLUTwalk and how did it come about?  On January 24, 2011 Constable Michael Sanguinetti spoke on crime prevention at a York University safety forum.  He said: "women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized." Co-founders Sonya Barnett and Heather Jarvis decided to use the word slut in their response. They observe that historically, "slut" has had negative connotations, and that their goal is to redeem the term.They write that women "are tired of being oppressed by slut-shaming; of being judged by our sexuality and feeling unsafe as a result." They continue: "Being in charge of our sexual lives should not mean that we are opening ourselves to an expectation of violence, regardless if we participate in sex for pleasure or work.

The first SLUTwalk in protest of victim-blaming was on April 3rd, 2011 in Toronto Canada.  There have been marches all over the world and still continue.

Photo source unknown

SLUTwalk NYC

What is Consent?

This weekend SLUTwalk Ithaca, NY took place Saturday afternoon.  A small crowd of about 200 people for what was expected to be over 1,000 marched and gathered in the commons.  Another reminder of how there is a serious need in this community for feminists--including the ones who don't identify as such, but believe in all the issues feminism stands for--to come together and create continuous dialogue about issues regarding discrimination, equality, and civil rights we still face today.  But for anyone to gather or discuss or stand up for something they believe in is definitely a step in the right direction!

Photo source unknown

Photo source unknown

Photo source unknown

Do you agree or disagree that victim-blaming needs to end?  If you could or wanted to, how would you create dialogue within your community?  Did you attend the SLUTwalk on Saturday in Ithaca or have you attended a SLUTwalk in your area?  Comment below or email me shapedbymylife@gmail.com

Topman T-shirts: Misogyny Prevails

You too can wear degrading t-shirts! Where your misogyny on your sleeve, well, emblazoned across your chest that is!  Oh Boy!  Topman has joined the ranks of terrible messages via t-shirts.  

Both of the shirts are complete derogatory towards women, and one insinuates violence against women being acceptable. The grey t-shirt that reads, "Nice new girlfriend what breed is she?"  is just another example as how women are still objectified, here for viewing pleasure.  Remember, homework is too hard for us small-minded ladies.  And the red t-shirt, the "I'm so sorry, but..." t-shirt that has these excuses for whatever fucked up thing that was done, you can choose one of these: You provoked me, I was drunk, I was having a bad day, I hate you, I didn't mean it, and I couldn't help it, is the most appalling.  But calm down right?  All of them sound like completely acceptable responses, right? WTF!  As if an apology after a misogynistic comment is somehow made acceptable because of any of these reasons?!  Or that an apology is actually sincere when it's followed by a "but" comment.  

The implications are much greater than just wearing a t-shirt.  The message it continues to send to men is that they have the right to do whatever they want and women are left carrying the weight of having to be on the defense.  A person who would buy this t-shirt is the kind of person who puts the blame on the victim of sexual harassment, assault, or rape.  Who are the creative minds behind such appalling messages?  Why do we want people walking around with shirts like this?  Why continue the message that masculinity is characterized by not only physical prowess through violence, egotism & misogyny?  What happened to breaking stereotypes of all kinds instead of feeding into them?  What about being honorable and courageous as things we instill as noteworthy characteristics, for not just men, but women too?  What happened to respect and dignity?  Since these things are socially constructed, why would we want to further the notion that disrespecting women and any violence towards them is acceptable?

What do you think about the t-shirts?  Is it just clothing or more than that?  Comment below or email me shapedbymylife@gmail.com

Two Stories, One Issue: Sexualization of Women's Bodies

Two articles on Jezebel this morning stood out to me and are directly connected; toddlers dressed as Hookers, and a woman is sexually harassed.  The first article: Pageant Mom Defends Dressing 3-Year-Old As Pretty Woman Prostitute, a mother from Toddlers & Tiaras defends dressing her very young daughter in an outfit resembling the hooker-look Julia Roberts sported in the early scenes of Pretty Woman. 

Photo from Jezebel.com

Sure enough TLC didn't show the adorable polka dot dress, that was cut!  I get that young girls and boys like to play dress-up.  But these pageants take this idea to a serious extreme, where these girls are being taught, at a very young age, that they will be judged primarily on their looks.  I always wonder what other activities these toddlers are exposed to other than learning the proper placement their hand should be on their waist.

Jezebel got just the right touch of sarcasm ending the piece with "Shame on those parents who encourage their girls to play sports! In addition exposing them to the perils of moving, they're giving them the false idea that society will judge them on their abilities, not what they look like in a swimsuit."

Then I read: A Guy Jerked Off To Me In The Subway, And NYPD Didn’t Do A Thing,

From Jezebel.com

where a woman not only reported the incident to the station manager, but also had evidence of multiple pictures and a video and nothing was done!  Now, while I'm sure some may say he wasn't causing any harm to her, he didn't make any advancements towards her directly, hell they weren't even on the same platform.  But should a woman, who is already very aware of her vulnerabilities alone on a platform at 3 a.m., or at any time of the day for that matter, have to tolerate such behavior?  Should she have to allow herself to become objectified in such a disrespectful and intrusive way?  To the people who would say calm down, more dangerous things happen that should cause more alarm, I say if one of your friends, your mother, your sister, Aunt, Cousin, Niece, granddaughter, etc. told you this happened to her, what would your response be then?  I remember when my younger sister had first moved to NYC and not soon after told me a guy jerked-off in the same subway car as her.  I thought how scary that would be as a woman, alone, with a man who clearly has no respect for women, would it stop at just jerking-off?  

"There is so much that this world asks us to bear, as women. To ignore, to hope will go away. Hearing these stories has been both heartening and depressing.

Women are taught so many messages about how we need to behave in order to "prevent" sexual assault and sexual harassment in public spaces. How we need to look, how we need to dress, how we need to walk, how we need to make ourselves small and unremarkable, how we need to anticipate the behavior of others, how we must not "attract" the wrong kind of attention. Even though I resent that these messages fundamentally imply that women bear responsibility for insuring sexual assault does not occur, I still, almost in spite of myself, take all of these things into account when I get dressed and when I go out in public. To have already engineered your behavior to meet the threat of assault and then to still face criminal harassment just feels like an added injustice."

 And it's not that surprising that a man feels he can pull his dick out and start jerking-off because society continues to reinforce the notion that woman are here to be looked at, ultimately here for a man's pleasure.  Messages are sent to young girls like the new book I wrote about in Warning: Not Suitable for Children or the overwhelming presence and undeniable message of what is considered appealing (in the eyes of men) in What Came First, the Ad or the Attitude? With the above article, where mothers are not only allowing, but supporting the sexualization of their young daughters, I say shame on you.  

What do you think about Toddlers & Tiaras?  Have you ever been harassed and felt like there was nothing you could do, or did you do something and the authorities did nothing?  Comments are welcome or email me shapedbymylife@gmail.com