Tuesday, July 12, 2011

5:00 Ante Meridian

Otherwise and more commonly known as 5 AM.  The air is cooler and the birds are fervently chirping.  One small lamp, the body of it looks like an upside-down pear made of green glass with an off-white, almost tan shade which looks to glow orange or red, stands on top of the dvd player is the only light on in the whole house.  The ceiling fans quietly spin in the kitchen, while one of the two window fans in the living room hums more noticeably.  I can hear him snoring in the bedroom.  I don't know why I haven't fallen asleep yet, perhaps because I haven't even given myself the chance to; but I get impatient with the restless nights of lying in bed, waiting, anticipating, hoping, even praying, to fall asleep.
Last night was one of those nights.

I was down at my parent's house to see them and get out of town for a couple of days.  It usually starts with a few good nights of sleep, followed by a few terrible.  Friday night I was exhausted and slept well, waking up and making it to the second tutoring orientation by 10am before driving downstate as soon as the session ended about quarter after two.  Tired from a full morning of discussion followed by a solid three hour drive, and then shopping with my mama for a few things for the house, I went to bed a little after 11pm and slept twelve hours.  My alarm went off at 8:30, but I went in and out of dreams until 11am.  Feeling refreshed, I spent Sunday with my mom most of the day, more shopping and errands and then just hanging out at the house talking.  I was pretty tired again and went to bed around 11pm (which is pretty early for me, but I continue to try and get on this early to bed, early to rise routine the world seems to have quantified as appropriate).  After tossing and turning for almost two hours, frustrated, uncomfortable from the stuffy room with no fan, and no longer tired, I went out to the living room, turned on the one ceiling fan in their entire house and sat on the couch and turned on the tv.  One of my favorite movies, Secretary, was on.  I indulged, watching the movie and as soon as it was over, turned off the tv, attempting to get some sleep.  My mother tried to move me into the bedroom around 3am, she said, but I must have just fallen asleep, so I stayed until about 7:15 when they were awake and the AC had been on long enough for the back bedroom to be tolerable.  I slept until noon, waking feeling out of sorts.

And now, tonight/this morning, depending on how you want to look at it, is one of those nights again.  Almost at the end of another hour I start to play that mind game with myself: well, it is morning, why not just stay up and be really productive all morning, it will feel like two days in one with all of that time.  But I can tell, even as I type this, that is not going to happen.  That if I give my eyes, and my mind, a rest, it would be best...

1 comment:

  1. Developing am early to bed early to rise schedule can take a while if it is not what you are accustomed to. On the other hand -once you do - it's hard to ignore.
    I was an early to bed kid most of my life. Even as a teen and college student, 9pm seemed like bed time. Perhaps this was because my Dad worked nights and I often woke at 330am when he came home. Or because my Grandpa would be up by 5 and I enjoyed being with him.
    After decades on the farm and or working early morning shifts, 5am seems like morning to me. And now that I live in the city, I really appreciate being up and enjoying my morning before the constant hum of cars starts outside my door,