Hope and Cookies

Waiting is not something I'm very good at, but I have no choice right now.  By midweek I was letting my fear of the future get the best of me, projecting terrible outcomes on all kinds of levels.  The anxiety becomes overwhelming and I feel as if I'm crawling out of my skin. Other than painting my nails, I have also been working out regularly; something I continue to struggle with and have ever since I haven't been on a team (which was back in HS).  I miss having a team to practice with; there is something to be said about having other people striving towards a similar goal and working side by side with them.  With that said, I have several different gym buddies at times and I also enjoy going alone.  Island Health Fitness is right on the lake and has up-to-date machines, a pool, and offer yoga, spinning, and various other classes; the best facility in the area, by far.

Going to the gym is a great healthy way to burn off some of the nervous energy about all of the unknowns right now; it's also something I really enjoy and always wonder why I stop going when I do.  I tend to be my own worst enemy, only now I'm learning to get out of my own way a bit quicker.  This week I made it to the gym three times (my minimum).  I ran--using that term loosely since I use an elliptical machine--a total of 12 miles and cycled 4 miles. I am just starting to incorporate weight lifting back into my routine; and I stretch after every workout, which is crucial because I have degenerative discs in my lower back, and no health insurance. 

So, Friday came and I mustered up the energy and courage to once again step foot into the DSS building to hand in yet another form needed to apply for food stamps and emergency assistance.  After leaving, I called and left a message for the woman in charge of the food stamps application and left a second voicemail, hoping she would respond before the weekend.  Then I went to the gym and as soon as I stepped onto the elliptical, she called back!  I had my phone interview, which took about five minutes and will have to go back to DSS on Tuesday to sign another form.  After a 4.4 mile run and stretching I went home to shower and eat leftover rice and beans.  When I checked the mail an envelope from the NYS Department of Labor was waiting for me and to my surprise my unemployment benefits card had arrived!  A little piece of plastic hope!

I slept a bit more soundly then I had all week.  After running some errands and braving Wegmans on a Saturday afternoon and finally being able to buy groceries, I made cookies this afternoon.

Baking is another great meditative activity, where I can slow down and my mind can't wander.  Plus I end up with a tasty treat to enjoy and share with friends.